You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
