i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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