Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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