Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
