i don't like sucking hair
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i will never coherently bang her
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
