You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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