I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
