i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
