Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
