im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
