A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
