It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
