The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
