you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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