so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
3 2 1 whiskey
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
