she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
