remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
