I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
