I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So much rum. So many feels.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
