i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
