I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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