Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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