Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
