I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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