Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
