were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
