Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
