Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
