We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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