my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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