My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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