she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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