the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
