i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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