He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
