i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
