my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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