she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dear god my vagina.
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