I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just pee around me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
