is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
