come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
