Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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