I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
