I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I understand Curling. That high.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
