I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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