Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
