this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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