btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
