Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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