he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
